


suddenly, the brush paints pink

by alice_dualswordlesbian



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, gay thoughts, i love these sickly sweet dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 16:59:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alice_dualswordlesbian/pseuds/alice_dualswordlesbian
Summary: It's only been a week since Himari and Tomoe have learned more about themselves. How many pieces of the puzzle have fitted since then?





	suddenly, the brush paints pink

Snap!

The electronically replicated sound of a camera shutter made a slight echo from the staircase of the Udagawa residence. Sunrises and sunsets were as precious to Himari as any other member of Afterglow, but there was something she particularly liked about also saving them on her phone’s memory, not just her own. The colours of many sunrises and sunsets always felt at least slightly different, and it just felt nice to look back at each them.

This one, she had felt, was painted a with a whole swath of colours! ...A palette that she couldn’t quite decipher. A canvas about as confusing and messy as the one currently within her heart. Looking both up at the sunrise and down at her chest, they felt so easy to look at, and yet so hard to pick apart. They felt invigorating, renewing, but what exactly were they now? She couldn’t even tell.

It had been exactly a week since Himari had unlocked another piece of that heart. With a lot of soul-searching alongside Tomoe, a few riddles from Moca and Lisa and some earnest, heartfelt advice from Ran, Tsugumi and many others, she’d broken a bit out of her shell! 

It wasn’t the sort of discovery that was surprising, in hindsight, but there were a lot of objections and supposed ‘contradictions’ she and Tomoe had to address to understand that they were both gay; usually those of their own making. Looking back at those doubts frustrated her, honestly; some of them were actually kind of silly.

It should’ve been momentous; Ran said she could tell that they’d been contemplating it deep down for a while, and she couldn’t really deny that. But to Himari, it was just a simple and relaxing comfort. It was like the time she’d confessed to Tomoe she wasn’t really all that assured in her grades, or blurted out to Moca that sometimes she just wanted to eat some cake, diet be damned. She honestly felt kinda glad that she and Tomoe realised around the same time, too; it was the perfect way to let them talk together sometimes about feelings that they were sure they could both understand. Some gossip about who they crushed on, or random dumb texts about cute lesbian-related daydreams they had, maybe. It was another small step in her world, another simple understanding that made her life a little better and her scope a little wider.

Or, well, that should’ve been all there was to it. Thing is, Himari hadn’t actually done any of that stuff yet. It was like she’d finally opened a tightly-sealed box, only to find another box inside. 

She put her phone away and continued her climb up the stairs, ready to bring Tomoe down to her and Ako’s breakfast extravaganza. Face to face with the door to Tomoe’s room, however, she got lost in thought again. It had actually been about 3 days or so since they last talked to or texted each other alone, despite Afterglow’s frequent group communication. She hadn’t actually had any of those cute gay chats or venting with Tomoe about their sexuality yet like she hoped they would, barring a few scant attempts from both sides… it just felt like they couldn’t really respond in much detail yet. 

Well, it’s only been a week, she thought, as she slowly opened the door. It takes time for people to get used to things. But why hadn’t they talked much about anything at all since then, for that matter? There wasn’t any bad blood, or awkwardness, or anything else that was uncomfortable about their realizations last week. They had left it as the best of friends, and continued talking like the best of friends after. That meeting ended with questions being resolved and space being cleared. And yet, it felt like all the hoovering only let a new layer of dust come in. About as many questions had been raised as they had been answered.

“...Geez.” After allowing herself a brief moment to sigh at her circumstances, she pushed the door open. Tomoe’s room always felt airy and comfortable, even when only a dim light shone through it from the window. Himari turned to the bed quickly, not wanting to dwell too much lest the morning hunger grow stronger.

Then her heart paused.

A lot of new thoughts had suddenly arose within Himari over the last week, and many of them popped up again the instant she saw Tomoe’s resting face. Her hair was a mess, one side draping a bit over her closed eyes. The duvet moved with her chest as she softly breathed in and out, only sometimes interrupting the pattern with a slight groan. Her pyjama collar had flipped itself up in her sleep, pointing up over her chin and ridging over her neck, the buttons undone until just above her chest-

These were the kinds of questions Himari was struggling with. Why did she suddenly feel different looking at Tomoe or being with her? This wasn’t the first time she saw Tomoe in her sleep, looking like a complete dork. Wednesday wasn’t the first time she had seen Tomoe banging on the drums at her side during practice, sweat dripping from her toned arms and a smile flaring out from her face.

...Was it because of their mutual understanding from last week? Sure, they overcame a new hurdle together. Sure, they’d both realised they liked girls. But that shouldn’t have changed anything, right? The mutual struggle made their bond stronger, sure, but that should’ve just lead to a small jump in appreciation and care, not full-blown staring-at-her-for-5-minutes-straight or daydreams that were… um, well. Her face would’ve melted if she thought about them too much.

Although that being said, it honestly felt like it was going to erupt right now anyway. Her heart was thumping, and she could feel her blush spread across her whole face. Why did looking at Tomoe make her feel like this? She half-felt like just crawling into bed with her, drawing her close and holding her tight-

Himari shook her head furiously. She must just be confused, she’s probably mixing feelings up. She and Tomoe are BFFs! These… thoughts just have to be a coincidence. They’re probably just there BECAUSE she’s gay, regardless of Tomoe!

It was time to wake her up already. Himari poured all of her concentration into focusing on how much her belly was growling, and how lovely her and Ako’s little pancake bonanza would taste. Pancakes. Focus on pancakes, Himari. In her most dramatic motion, she swept the duvet to the side in a single motion, and-

“...Himari…” 

Suddenly, she felt her heart leap out from her chest again. “T-... Tomo-” But she quickly paused; Tomoe’s eyes were still shut. Was that just something she said in her sleep? Why did she-

Himari shook her head again. No. Pancakes. Focus, Himari. Tomoe was wiggling about on the bed now, so she was probably on the verge of waking up.

“...Toooooo~mooooo~ee~.” Her friend’s eyes opened a little at the utterance. 

“...Himari?”

“You’ve overslept.”

“...Mmm. ...Ah.” God, she was cute. Himari couldn’t help but smile; she always felt at ease talking to her, no matter what had happened.

“It’s unusual for you to be asleep past 8am. What’s been going on in your head lately?”

“...I think I stayed up a little bit late. Sorry…” Tomoe slowly shuffled and sat herself up, rubbing her eyes.

“Even our reliable Tomoe has her fair share of nights up, hmm?” She poked a finger at Tomoe’s nose. “Wakey wakey, sleepyhead. We’ve got a whole breakfast line laid out!”

“...I can already smell it. I guess I should pull myself together, huh?” One giant yawn was all that preceded Tomoe’s rise from her bed. She got right up, and-

Himari realised. She didn’t actually move back when Tomoe got off the bed. She was just standing there as Tomoe got up, now awkwardly close to her.

Tomoe didn’t seem to notice at first. “Himari? What’s up? Stuck in a food fantasy or- Ah.” Her eye’s suddenly opened a bit more. The sudden alertness threw Himari off guard, and she realised now the blush that was spreading across her face.  
Probably by proxy, her silence and furious blushing hit Tomoe too. It took about a solid 2 seconds for Himari to realise she should prooooooobably give her a bit of room; “...Ah! Aaahahhhhh, uh, sorry!” she yammered, taking a couple of steps back.

Tomoe immediately waved her hands in response; “D-don’t worry about it! Uh… I…”

A temporary silence hung over again as the two realised they didn’t really know what to say yet.

“Pancakes!” Himari suddenly blurted out, without even realising.

“S-sounds delicious!” Tomoe quickly tried to head out of the room. “I-I’ll see you down there and- ACK!” she squealed, immediately starting to hop on one leg.

“Tomoe?! A-a-a-are you okay?!”

“Toe. Door. Stubbed.” 

“I-I’ll get some-”

“It’s okay! N-nothing too big. I-I’ll just…” She awkwardly stumbled out of the door and towards the bathroom. 

“...” Himari would’ve followed, but oh god she had about 50 different conflicting thoughts in her brain right now and NO idea what course of action to take.

Riddled with indecision, Himari could only fall to the ground on her knees and slump her face into her hands. “Urgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” she groaned in frustration. What on earth was she doing? What the heck is going on?!

“Aaah…. I should’ve helped her to the sink, at least… I’m so sorry, Tomoe…” 

Right. No more of this. Himari Uehara would not let gay thoughts be the end of her, not ever. No thoughts of how cute Tomoe looked with her hair messed around or her lazily smiling at Himari were going to stop her from being a responsible, happy and reliable friend. She wasn’t going to make Tomoe feel awkward with some arbitrary thoughts about how nice her abs would be to the touch, and she wasn’t going to let those same thoughts stop her from helping her when she needed it, even if it meant swooping Tomoe into her arms and stumbling wildly to make sure she reached her intended destination without any harm. And when she ran into trouble herself, she knew Tomoe would do the same and wrap her arms around Himari and-

Himari. Pancakes.

\---

Friends. They were just great friends.

Her stomach now fully satiated by the Udagawa-Uehara combo of savory and sweet pancake creations, Himari had nothing left to distract herself from the fact that she was going to be alone with Tomoe again. But that was fine. They were just going to be studying in her room! That’s all.

Himari shook her head and tried to stop her heart beating. She quickly tried to bury away the scene from this morning deep into her mind; it’s not all that unusual for great friends to have weird gay thoughts about each other, right? Like, they’d both known each other for ages, and they both could enjoy each other’s company in the solidarity that they were both lesbians and could help each other explore themselves. Those gay thoughts could probably just be good inside jokes. Moca always jokingly flirts with the girls around her, that’s the same kind of thing, right? Himari’s thoughts about how cool and hot and kind and reliable and honestly kind of impressively toned and muscled and Tomoe was could just be funny jokes for them to share. Oh, Tomoe, please! My one and only love, my sweet knight, save me from Moca’s cruel mischief! And Tomoe could also joke about-

Wait. Did Tomoe have the same kind of thoughts about her? What if she didn’t? She was just assuming that because she was having those thoughts herself. Wait, is it bad that she’s concerned Tomoe isn’t having the same thoughts? Was she worried that Tomoe didn’t want to-

Wait, waitwaitwaitwaitwait. That doesn’t mean anything! She was probably just worried because come on now, wasn’t she totally a catch? Tomoe even joked about being smitten with her a couple of times before. 

…

H-honestly, Tomoe could probably at least appreciate her appeal, regardless of whether they were crushing on each other or not! That’s just something you can appreciate when you’re a lesbian; just like how third-wheeling dudes would convince their male friends that the girl they’re in love with would totally find them attractive!

...It’s not sounding very convincing, for some reason.

“Himari?”

“...huh?”

Before she realised it, Himari was already sitting down at the desk, adjacent to Tomoe. She gave a soft smile, the one that she always had whenever she knew a friend was troubled. “Something on your mind?”

“....Uuuu…..” It felt so hard to talk about this. But Tomoe would hear her out, right? She wouldn’t think she’s weird, after all. They can trust each other about stuff like this. I mean, come on, it’s Tomoe. 

“Um....” Himari turned herself to face her. She was sitting back with her red hair leaning against the bed frame, trying to look casual about the matter.

...Strangely, though, her face didn’t look as relaxed. It was slightly flushed, actually. Was she coming down with a cold?

“H-hey, Tomoe…” Her friend nodded. “I-is is weird to…”

Himari wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk about this. She had so much to be scared of. But talking to her friends about her fears was how she got over them in the first place; it helped her understand herself better. So throw caution to the wind, Himari! Be brave for once! ...Or at least try.

“I-is it weird that I have… uh, thoughts… about you?” 

“...thoughts?” Tomoe raised an eyebrow.

Oh god, this was going to be a disaster. Trying to put her feelings into words was never something she was good at. 

“W-wait, by thoughts do you just mean that you’re thinking about me, or-?” Tomoe stopped herself. Her movements had become weirdly stifled, all of a sudden. She had put a hand to try and cover her face, but she hadn’t done a very good job at it; Himari could still see her blushing.

...It was strange, but seeing her act like this made Himari fill up with hope.

“U-uhhhhhhhhh… I mean, like…” She tiptoed around her words, keeping an eye on how Tomoe reacted. The last thing she wanted was for their friendship to be ruined by this, but she couldn’t help but want to give these feelings a voice. She wanted them to be heard, by Tomoe and Tomoe alone.

“Ah geez, I’ll just-! Um… I-I have, um… like… gay? Thoughts? About you, Tomoe?”

“...Uh…” Tomoe just stammered, trying to open her mouth but cutting off each time. The room itself might as well have been blushing, at this point.

At this point, it was hard to tell whether she was flattered or distressed. But Himari had already thrown caution to the wind, so now she’d just have to go with it. Go, Himari!

“I-it’s-”

“Uh!”

Ack.

“You first,” they said in unison. “Oh no, uh…”

“Like, like. Holding you!” Himari said.

“Yeah, yeah… uh… like… wanting to keep you close? Hugging you a lot?” Himari’s eyes brightened. Was she not as alone in her chaotic lesbian carousel as she thought?

“Y-yeah! Uh… just, feeling you and stuff. Nononono, not like that, but-”

“Yeah, no, yeah, I get what you mean! Like, just… well, actually though, I have…”

“A-actually h-have what?”

“U-uh!” Tomoe suddenly jolted, as if she was a mouse who’d just been spotted in the kitchen by a mom with a rolling pin. “I-I mean…”

“Like… THAT kind of feeling?”

“Uh! Um! I. Yeah? Yeah, sort of. Um.”

“...Like kissing and stuff?!”

Silence. Himari had practically squealed that line out in the tiniest voice she could make, but now she wished she’d just pressed the mute button instead. Oh god, what has she done?

“...Yeah.”

“......Oh.”

Silence again.

“...Me too, actually…” 

Tomoe’s scared face slowly turned into one of confusion, then one of gradual processing. It reminded Himari of the face she made when she had to solve a Rubik’s cube to win a bet against Kaoru, and Moca showed her how to do it from behind Kaoru’s back.

“...Ahahaha!” Himari couldn’t help but laugh a bit at it. And maybe cry, too. She hoped she wasn’t crying too much. Goddamnit, she always does this.

“...That’s not… that’s not something you’d usually think about someone, is it?” Tomoe giggled a bit, too.

Himari didn’t care about trying to rationalise her thoughts anymore. She got up to her knees and leant herself onto Tomoe. “I was… I think I was trying to say that that stuff is just ordinary, but…” she looked up at Tomoe. “I don’t think I’d want to dream about that stuff so much with anyone else.”

Tomoe wrapped her arms around Himari in response. “...Do you remember the time Moca was starting to panic about crushing on Ran? And she sent us a properly capitalised text because she wanted to ask us for advice.”

“Full grammar and everything. We were so freaked out at first! She was actually pretty scared about it.”

“We just kinda teased her about it after she talked to us, but she got pretty upset by that.”

“We took her out for cake later to apologize about that. We even took some of our super-secret savings out for it because we didn’t want her to cry about it.”

“She said she’d only forgiven us for now. That her revenge was gonna complete itself later.”

“Do you think this is Moca’s wrath?”

“It’s Moca’s wrath.”

Himari cushioned herself into Tomoe’s shoulder. Tomoe collapsed onto the ground, laughing a little bit more. “...that’s a pretty weird way for her to smite us from above, though.”

“Above? Did she ascend?”

“Yeah, we’ll never forget her.”

“...She’ll probably know that we said that somehow and text us about it later.”

“Yeah.”

The sky outside only carried a deep blue right now. Nothing else was on the canvas. Himari just wanted to lie down here for now. There wasn’t anywhere else she would rather be.

...and she knew that Tomoe might be feeling the same way, as well.

“...Hey, Himari?”

“...Yeah?”

“...I like you a lot.” Tomoe wrapped herself around Himari. Her voice was muffled out a bit by Himari’s shoulder. “...I think I really, really like you a lot.”

“...”

It felt like she’d finally unlocked another piece of her heart.

“...I think I do, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> hiya!!!! this is... my first ao3 work, and also my first work published online period; hope its ok!!! i love so many bandori ships but i was just particularly in the mood for these two absolute fools
> 
> have some other stuff planned in the future!!!!
> 
> twit: @fushyfush


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